A matter of fear

It’s the same old story - no matter how many times you read it nothing will ever change. It’s a circular path identified in beaten grass that I’ve been wandering down for days. Don’t tell me it will ever change.

It’s a simple defense applied to future tense. I just can’t take all of this being let down. Make a full retreat from the crippling defeat I’ve come to expect by now. Anymore, everything just lets me down.

But its just a matter of fear, not a matter of fact and we’re all going to die but I don’t want to die from that.

Remind me of the words

Can you tell me what it's like living in the black and white?

Remind me of the words. The chorus then the verse. The meaning and the worth.

The meaning of this life? Some reference to a light? God and wrong and right simplified?

Can you tell me what it's like living in the black and white?

Always the Dreamer

There’s slack in the line held back just in case – the reserved of ourselves we let go to waste. Yeah, we all have excuses. We all have our vice. We all have disguises we forget we’re behind. So we’re present in body while mostly absent in mind - held back by our language so much of the time. But if I write something clever, will you blindly believe that I am whatever you can imagine me to be?
I may lie this time… so I don’t mind if you lied.

Summer and winter… springtime and fall. We’re passed by by weather while time tends to crawl. It’s all about the angle from which we perceive and you seemed like a dreamer, just never like the dream…

So let's not lie to ourselves this time. We're losing time on lies when you're toujours le rêveur, mais jamais le rêve - Always the dreamer, but never the dream.

Fact, Fiction or Fallacy

I’ve got another thing to say. It’s not exactly what I’m thinking but, you know, I think it may be ok to leave it this way. There’s another time and place for any sort of honesty that isn’t guised in some form of tact or taste these days. I’m just trying to figure out exactly how to go about living this way - on a pendulum swing, oh my God, you’d really think I’d learn to level out and live steady some day.

I’ve given up on subtleties and the perpetual pain involved in fact, fiction, or fallacy, all of which are more or less mundane. But no matter what the truth may or may not truly be, I just don’t want to say what I don’t want to mean. So I’m tirelessly tired simply trying to prescreen every simple sentence said but it always gets me into another almost adequate acquaintance that leaves me feeling almost always nothing more than ethereally empty. The irony, of course, is that everything that I try is designed to avoid a fate that I inevitably design and though I often acquiesce and adhere, or so it seems, I still don’t want to say what I don’t at least want to mean.

I’m just trying to figure out exactly how to go about living this way - on a pendulum swing, oh my God, you’d really think I’d learn to level out and live steady some day.

We are all fireflies

It's little wonder that I can't find, with this phosphorescent light of mine, anyone of my own kind in the unnaturally bright nighttime sky.

Oh God! To be so ambitious!

Its not always the easy way thats best but i often find I gravitate toward downward slopes simply by instinct sometimes. You know, no matter hard i seem to try i never can get past the past. I'm drawn backward every time. I hear that you say you're burning bridges but I fear that may be a bit ambitious. I'm always making progress but never quite as much as id like because I'm inclined toward stagnancy unconsciously from time to time. It's a fight not entirely unlike an undertow into the past. I'm bourne backward every time. I hear that you are burning bridges. Oh God! To be so ambitious. Think of all I'd do if i could just believe that anything i do would ever change anythng. There's an underlying reason here for this fatalistic feeling that I can't change anything, but if I could just believe...

I wish I had a screen door.

I'll open a window, maybe pull the door closed. I wish had a screen door for a day like today. Lying on my back, just trying to relax. Honestly, I think the world will be ok. Eveything looks better with the changing of the weather. I've been anxiously awaiting some much needed change. Finding shapes in clouds while laying on the ground. What an interesting way to phrase what I'm trying to say. I'm trying to say... Back porch, a deck chair, a lawn mower somewhere, the smell of freshly cut grass on the breeze. Ill waste my day in a less productive way. I've been anxiously awaiting some time to be free. Walking barefoot in the grass, just trying to relax, taking time to step away and remember to breath. Wandering the yard to the tune of passing cars. What an unrelated way to phrase what I've been thinking. I've been thinking... I'm not sure what lies ahead, but I'm still not afraid of it.